AdoptionHarmony.com

by Karasel Kid, MA, International Adoptive Parent, Educator, Child Advocate and Adoption Networking Consultant.

 Chronicles of an international adoption in Russia is the plot of this autobiographical work by author Karasel Kid spinning the story with the roller coaster ride of emotions and plethora of complexities involved in uniting a traumatized toddler from a Russian orphanage with a soul searching mama-want-to-be. 

 Within the US adoption agency rules and the foreign inter-country adoption bylines, a single mom with hopes of expanding her family follows the trail of mystery and intrigue that leads to a tiny village in Siberian Russia where a 19 month old toddler who has never had a parent, and is available for adoption only after no Russian family can be found, is suffering neglect and with a wild case of scabies.

Why must these children suffer so when US and other foreign parents are begging to adopt them?  That question becomes irrelevant as you begin to see how the two main characters, the mama-want-to-be and the toddler meet and the tale that follows.

Snippet of When Two Souls Collide: A Story of Union

 He lays there with his bottle propped against the old woolen blanket with the nipple cut out so the keifer will flow faster.  You see, no one caretaker has time to hold the babies in their ward. There are too many mouths to feed to rock and make eye contact with each one.  The babies are used to it.  It’s all they know.  There feral brains develop a shell of survival instinct that takes over so their human hearts don’t break.  Some manage to stay alive despite the eerie silence.  The babies learn early on that crying won’t get them anything.

Their only language means nothing.  If they live, minimal food and shelter is all they are afforded. The orphanage is poor. Birth mothers are scolded for visiting their babies because it only makes the children cry more and expect to be held.  That won’t do.  After all, the caretakers of the babies, the mamushka’s, don’t want to see the babies suffer more than necessary.  No visiting is best.  No extra attention is best.  Stealing a little of the babies’ bread and milk to feed their own children at home is justified.  The salary is so low and the hours are so long-it is their right to take a small portion for themselves, right? Taking just one toy from the babies’ small collection for their own uses is “just borrowing.”  No one will notice…except the babies have just a little less to live on.  After a while, the baby house desensitizes the workers to their lightless plight.  Most know the orphans are the plague of society anyway, or else they wouldn’t be there. 

He’s waiting and she’s waiting, but the people and rules in between are not for the faint of heart.

Read more to come by following on AdoptionHarmonyblog.com or visit AdoptionHarmony.com for Karasel Kid’s international adoption website.

Balancing Out Being a single parent and staying balanced with finances is not always easy, but possible. I like parenting alone because I can devote that extra time to my child that I would have to divide with a spouse. I used to worry that it wasn’t fair to my child to have only one parent and no siblings until I realized that it only takes a great relationship with one person to truly garnish a child’s life. Of course, I have to supplement with lots of role models besides myself and get creative with financing.

While I do have to work to provide for our little family, I am fortunate to be working from home by runnng a website and freelancing. I work when my child goes to school until he comes home and then again after he goes to bed most nights. I catch up on the weekends thanks to endless hours of play outside with the neighborhood kids while I supervise from under the tree with my laptop going. I like my work-it’s a natural extension of myself and comes easily. It’s like I would be doing it anyway-so what a gift that I can do it as a career. I’m a weird kind of career mom-stay at home career mom. That’s a whole different topic.

I was married once when me son was 2. He was adopted at 19 months. I sufferred greatly trying to accomodate for the special needs of my son, my new husband, and his two young children. I wanted to do it right so badly, but I became drained and eaten up with resentment within a year. The “blend” was just not working. He left. I sometimes think I married for the wrong reasons-highly subconciously. I thought it would be better to raise my child in a 2 parent household and the extra income would really help too. Plus I loved the guy. I learned quickly that a man can make a huge salary and still have no money. I ended up paying on his debts as much as my own. Now days I have to divide my time only between work and homelife and keep it simple. For me, that is the way to peace.

 My biggest mistake has been fear that I couldn’t raise my son alone without help emotionally and financially. I believed that it was unfair to stay single when I had the open door to giving him more family, such as a daddy and siblings. Although I was making it fine as a single before the child, and was doing okay after he came, I seemed to keep that niggling fear that it wasn’t enough with just me. I felt confident that I could handle the emotional needs-but-not at the same time as handling the money. I was wrong! I ended up figuring out that each person has to do what their heart tells them to do and what they are capable of. I am now mama and papa to my dear special little boy, and we are doing well emotionally and financially. If a child has at least one primary caregiver that provides the opportunties for trust and intimacy, then that transfers over to others later on in life. I am giving my son that relationship. In return I get to witness his life. Money is just “green paper” that we use to live. It’s not good or bad, it just is what it is. Nature’s way is to balance itself, and that’s what we have today. This is balance for me. The scale is up to you.

Article for MoneySocial.com by Karasel Kid

About the Owner of AdoptionHarmony.com

Karasel Kid, BS, MA Counseling, Int’l Adoption Advocate

As an educator, counselor and adoption fanatic, I advocate for all children, but I have a special place in my heart for internationl adoptive families because I ‘ve been through it. I have a son adopted in 2006 at the age of 19 months via Russian adoption from a well-known adoption agency. This was accomplished as a single mother with lots of hoops to jump through and the help of a wonderful family and group of friends and supporters. I am giving access to all my resources for other adoptive parents and post-adoptive families to advocate for more children finding forever homes in our families in USA.

Today is the day that the information stored

 in my head about my experience with

 international adoption, attachment and

 bonding, international adoption agencies

 and everything else that goes along with it

 starts pouring out. Witnessing my son

 develop, change, heal and grow healthy has

 been the biggest education and gift I could

 have ever imagined.  Be careful what you

 pray for!

I have a son adopted in 2006 at the age of

19 months via Russian adoption from a

well-known adoption agency. As with most

 adoption agencies, I asked for “as young as

 possible” and “healthy with minor

 correctable diagnoses.” He was a beautiful

 boy who I fell in love with at first sight. My

 adoption agency was excellent and was not

 my first one. My son’ referral wasn’t the

first.  But this blog is not about my son. I’ve

learned FROM my son and our

international adoption experience what

many people might really value knowing

about international adoption issues and

adoption agencies before they adopt or

after. I’ve heard some great international

 adoption stories with happy endings…only

 one had been worse than mine, until I

 opened up and start digging for answers on

 why my son acted so differently from the

 biological children around me.  In the

 adoption arena, I have found the answers I

 needed.  Along with information came the

 warmest, proudest parents of adopted

 children who were kind enough and brave

 enough to tell me their stories.  Now I know

 how to place my own adoption experience

 in the correct perspective.  My case is not

 anything extraordinary.  I just didn’t know

 that I was asking the wrong questions. 

I work and live among many adopters and

adotees from countries all over the world.

Many of us are members of FRUA. They are

 the ones who’ve helped me learn the ropes,

 but few knew of the nightmares that went

 on at home behind closed doors between a

 new mom-a single mom, and an adopted

 non-English speaking toddler, especially if

 that child is atypical, which most from

 orphanages are, at least at first.  My son was

an extreme case of “feral cat syndrome“, in

other words he had never had a primary

caregiver and had no sense of attachment at

all.  This was all learned later on out of

desperate measures to attach and parent.

When Two Souls Collide: A Mother’s Story of International Adoption

You will find our story by Karasel Kid at

AdoptionHarmony.blogspot.com.

to learn the twists and turns that happened

 with us, and much much more coming from

a friend who’s been down the road of

international adoption and come out on the

 other side with a rich and deep

 appreciation of our children, their nations,

 birthfamilies and our relationships.  

My hope is to provide a comprehensive site

 that will lead you to information about

  international adoption in general and in

 depth, and adoption agencies, as well as all

 my other resources that are helpful.

 Combining an informational hot spot that

 also has links to the actual products I have

 found useful makes my website at

 AdoptionHarmony.com a unique place to

 visit and learn and enjoy.  The new site is

 being built and added to daily.  My motto

 is…I will tell you everything that your

adoption agency won’t and more.

As I am in the process of another Russian

 adoption myself as I produce this site, you

 will find that the information spans from

 2005 to the present. My hard knocks

education is the most practical one & comes

from books as old as the seventies in study

of the Russians themselves as a culture, to

the latest adoption medical terms in

Kazakhstan, to Nepal’s government, to

Bulgaria’s natives and special needs, and to

Brazil’s grassroots movement to aid their

orphans.  

I post the information as it comes out and

weed through the tons of articles, books,

websites, agency info. and resources to

report what I feel will help adoptive parents

 in all stages of adoption (pre and post) to be

 educated and prepared to be proactive

 parents the most.  It’s free.

  As so many international adoption

 websites give you the general scoop, I am

 comparing prices and doing research on the

 stats for myself and sharing with you. I

 can’t even tell you how many hours I’ve

 spent viewing the international photo

 listings and special needs programs, as well

 as the Russian data bank that lists the 

children available for adoption in Russia in

 Cyrillic!  I use an online translator. That’s

the fun part. Knowing what to have handy

 in your index of adoption knowledge

 tools can expand by visiting with someone

 who’s already been down the road you

are imparting on and using the connections

 of one whom wishes you all the best. Feel

free to use me and this blog or my website

AdoptionHarmony.com in that regard. I can

 be reached at

adoptionharmony1@gmail.com.

Karasel Kid, BS, MA, LPCi, Adoptive Parent!

On our way to the local Russian photocopy store to get a passport photo taken.  This is the first time I’ve ever ridden with my son in a car, and a new experience for us both.  I’m on trip #2 to Russia for court and final adoption.  I’ve waited 4 months in between trip 1 and 2; it’s now Mar ‘06.

Exploring the Neighborhood in March 2006.

We are finally home to good ole’ Austin, TX.  Start to finish the adoption took 15 months (and two agencies), and we’ve been home 3 weeks when this picture was taken.

Culture Shock!  Here I am in my son’s home town in Russia, about 13 hours by train west of Moscow heading into Siberia in early December 2005 visiting on my 1st trip to meet my new son.

Our very first meeting in November 2006 at the orphanage in Russia.  He was a 13 month old and had 4 teeth.  This was  our very first picture, and he’s biting me in the picture.  I got to visit each day, sometimes twice a day, for a couple of hours for 3 days before leaving him to go home and wait on the court date to come back again for finalization of the adoption.